i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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