I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
