Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
