I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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