totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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