ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
