i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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