If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize