I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
