listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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