just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
