Don't make out with my wife yet
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
