good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
