Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize