Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
