i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize