So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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