like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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