oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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