I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
