There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
