Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
