Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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