He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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