Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
