We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
