I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
