It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
