So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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