Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it was like his penis was on wheels.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize