doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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