cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
