I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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