It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
