2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
