i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
