let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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