he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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