weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
