I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize