I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
