I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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