I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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