Please, let me fuck your mom
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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