It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
