The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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