I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
