just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
