I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
