Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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