Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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