The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
