I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
