i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
