wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
