Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
