and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
