you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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