I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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