everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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