I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
