Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize