I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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