she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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