butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Randomize
