Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
