Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
