When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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