we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
