I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
