We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
