You're my little dorito
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
