I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
