I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
