so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
