my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
